He Always Came Back
by The Moonlight's Marionette
Summary: Bya x Ren He did not sleep that night Because he always came back, until the night he couldn't.


_This came to me so I wrote it. Enjoy._

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He always comes back.

He awakes abruptly, gasping for breath, tears clinging to his eyelashes.

The room is bright. Brighter than usual. For a moment he doesn't recognize it. He used to it being dark and suffocating.

It is as familiar to him, as it is strange.

Had he been dreaming? He remembers nothing of it, only that it was horrifyingly real.

Feeling a lump in his throat, he swallows thickly. His heart slowly regains a normal pace. He just breathes, taking in the room and the air he feels like he's been deprived of for weeks.

He can breathe again.

How odd.

He's calmed himself but the tears continue to build in the corners of his eyes.

He's afraid to reach.

A fear so great paralyzes him. He closes his eyes, hoping for something he isn't sure of.

His fingers crawl across the space and finds warmth. He can feel ribs beneath his fingers, a body rising and falling with each steady breath.

Flinching, he draws his hand away quickly, and then rests it again to confirm it's really there. Beside him.

His eyes widen.

But this is normal, he reminds himself. Of course he would be here. There is no cause for surprise.

_He always comes back._

Then he looks beside him to his sprawled figure, sleeping peacefully, mouth open and hand in his boxers.

Of course he's there. He smiles at his foolishness, wiping the tears away before he wakes up and sees him in this state.

He turns to look at him, staring at his face, taking in all his features individually; his shock of red hair splayed across the pillow, his tattoos, the definition of his body. He's known this body intimately for five years and it still doesn't feel like enough time. He wants more. More time. More of this. More of him.

Renji says something in his sleep and laughs. He turns and snuggles into the pillow.

This makes them closer now. Close enough for him to touch smattering of freckles across his nose, the tiny hairs sprouting on his upper lip.

He closes his eyes, inhaling the orange shampoo he always uses – it smells nothing of_ actual_ orange – but it is fruity. It is him. Pleasant. Relaxing.

Then, it's gone.

He opens his eyes.

He's gone.

The bed is empty. Cold.

"Renji? Renji?" He's trying not to sound as frantic as he feels.

He sits up looking around the room for any sign of him.

"Renji!"

Nothing. His breathing becomes labored. He clutches his chest. It hurts.

_Breathe…_

_Breathe…_

"Ren –"

"Yeah…?"

He's poking his head out from inside the bathroom, chin lathered with shaving cream, a confused look on his face.

Byakuya sighs in relief. _He always comes back._

He ducks back in and after a minute or so comes back out, drying his face.

"What's wrong?"He asks with concern at the man's panic stricken appearance. He jumps onto the bed, lying in-between his open legs, his chest on the man's stomach.

He tucks his hair behind his ear. His face is sweaty and pale.

"Do you feel sick?" His brown eyes are big with worry.

Byakuya shakes his head. How unsightly he must look.

He does something uncharacteristic for him. He pulls Renji in closer, hugging his head against his chest. He squeezes him possessively, for some reason unwilling to let go.

"Are you sure you're alright? Who are you and what have you done with Byakuya?" he jokes.

"I'm fine. I just feel… sad." This is something he would never say but he feels the need to be candid right now. He's holding nothing back.

Renji pulls away, pushing up on his palms until their faces are leveled. "Why?"

He shakes his head, bewildered. "I don't know," he replies softly.

He stares into his eyes, fully, searching for something. He's not sure if he still sees it even though Renji tells him a thousand times; at random places, anytime he has the chance, whenever they finish a phone conversation. He's sure to let him know.

Has he ever said it back?

He doesn't think he needs to. He's here isn't he? That alone holds enough meaning. Or he thought it did.

Byakuya guides him onto his back. A surprised gasp escapes him. He then straddles him, his groin sliding over the other's. Groaning, Renji sits up, grabbing his waist to stop him.

"What's this? I like it but… You're gonna be late for work."

Byakuya knows. By now he would never still be in bed. He'd have been out the door already. He is never late. Punctuality is something he prides himself on.

He pushes that from his mind lest he remembers.

He leans down to capture Renji's lips. To forget.

And to remember what kissing him feels like.

It's slow at first, their tongues gliding along each other. He pulls him in as close as is possible, enjoying the feel of his body, moaning at the slow, sensuality of the kiss. His eager responses perk Renji up in record time and he can feel himself getting aroused as well. Renji snakes his hand between then to unbutton his nightshirt, littering small kisses down his body before taking his lips again.

He's letting himself go. Letting the thoughts go. He just wants to feel.

Renji ends the kiss to run a trail with his tongue across his jaw line and down his neck, biting, surely leaving marks.

He doesn't care this time.

He doesn't reprimand him as he usually would, tell him off for marking him. What would people say if they were to see them? Renji moves to his ears – his weak point. He places warm, sloppy kisses all over it, nibbling on the lobe. It's his harsh, breathy moans in his ear, his hand on his hips grinding their clothed erections together that makes him hiss and whimper. He fingers tighten in his hair, his eyes scrunched up.

Renji stops, knowing this is the sign that he's close.

Byakuya pulls his hair, tilting his head back, looking into his eyes as he moves his hips himself. "Don't stop."

_I'm sorry._

Renji moans, loud and guttural. "Fuck, you're gonna make me come like this…" He has a firm grip around his waist, breathing and moaning into his ear, whispering the sweetest naughty things.

The things he likes to hear that drives him over the edge. The things that only Renji can say… those delightfully dirty things that he is too embarrassed to say… the things he wants to do with him… all the ways he wants him… He inhales sharply as he climaxes, holding on to his lover for dear life, Renji continuing to rub against him even after sends waves of ecstasy to every nerve in his body.

_I'll make it up to you. I promise._

He hasn't yet caught his breath when Renji takes over and lays him on his back. In a swift movement to waste as little time as possible, he removes both their soaked underwear. They're both out of breath, sweaty and stimulated to the bursting point.

"I can't take my time." Renji's hovering over him, his hair falling into his eyes, his muscles taut.

Byakuya nods. He wants him. And if it hurts tomorrow, all the better. Just to feel something is better.

Renji oils himself up with saliva and doesn't wait, he positions himself and pushes in, holding him tight and kissing the man to muffle his voice.

He winces. Tears spring up.

"Does it hurt that much? Should I stop?"

"Don't stop." He shakes his head, touching his cheek gently. "I…just…miss this feeling…"

With a gasp, he's all the way in, their bodies flush against each other. "Me, too."

Renji sighs wistfully and begins rocking his hips, going deeper with each little noise of pleasure Byakuya makes. He's panting, sweat dripping from his face.

He rests his head in the crook of his shoulder.

Byakuya can feel him wanting to stop because he's close, but he clenches himself around him, holding him down.

With a shudder, and a scream of satisfaction he climaxes, his body going limp, the occasional spasm makes shim shiver.

Byakuya continues to keep a hold on him, running his hands down his back. He wants to remember this.

He sighs contentedly, feeling the Renji's chest rise and fall. He closes his eyes.

_I love you._

The next thing he knows Renji is up, fully dressed looking for his bag.

"Where are you going?" He climbs out of bed to meet him, fully clothed as well.

_Don't leave me._

"I'll be late if I stay longer. As much as I loved the… _distraction_ –" he says this silkily, kissing him of the cheek, "I've gotta go."

"Wait, take today off," he pleads, knowing he sounds silly.

"Maybe you should sleep some more. You're acting weird. Anyway I can't. I told you about that important show I have to prepare for."

His breath hitched at the mention. He feels cold again, down to his bones.

The room isn't bright anymore. Storm clouds rumble overhead.

"I'll see you tonight for dinner." He kisses him deeply. "God I love kissing you. Love you. See ya."

Byakuya grips his wrists, stopping him from leaving.

_He always comes back._

He wraps his shirt tightly around his body, seeing Renji's retreating back makes him feel sick. He doesn't realize they've been standing by the window.

He glimpses it, outside and ready to do. A sob escapes him before he can stop it. He can't take his eyes off it. He looks back at an awaiting Renji, then back outside then back to him.

"I – I love you too."

"I know," he replies eerily calm. "I know you did. I always knew. So don't beat yourself up about it. I was selfish – "

"No, you weren't. I wasn't – I didn't try hard enough. Please… stay…"

"I can't." He is unsmiling.

Against his will he looks back to that dreaded machine he'd warned him about getting. He disapproved of it from day one. If he wanted a car he would've bought it. But no. It had to be that motorcycle.

Pristine and red, matching his hair.

Only now instead of the shiny, new form it had, it was twisted, mangled. Burnt. It no longer resembles what it once was. It's folded in on itself like a crushed can, the result of too many beers, unbridled anger and an oncoming truck going over the speed imit.

He shivers because he remembers.

He slides to the ground because he remembers.

He cries because he remembers.

Because he hadn't woken up next to him.

He hadn't been dreaming.

They hadn't made love.

He never told him he loved him.

Because he's still in bed, it's raining. And the tears silently roll down his cheek because he's alone, bereft of the warmth he'd had for five years.

_Because he always comes back. Until the night he didn't._

"Come on. It's only for _one_ night," Renji pleaded, covering the papers so Byakuya could give him his full attention.

"I can't. I have a dinner to attend to," Byakuya said sternly, brushing away his hand.

"Is that more important than me?" he was becoming hysterical. No, he had been hysterical from the time he walked in.

"Don't do this, Renji," he sighed. _ I'm sorry. I love you too. I'll make it up to you._

"Don't do what? Beg for a little bit of your precious time?" His fist banged against the table, rattling the pens in their holder. "God knows when last we actually spent time together. You're always working! I can't even remember when – " he blushed, " – when last we made love. I love you, I want to be with you." He let the words sink in for a minute.

"Will you _please_ come?" He bent over the table, eyes pleading.

Byakuya agreed with what he was saying. They had not seen much of each other lately with busy or contrasting schedules. But this was an event he could not turn down.

"I can't," he said simply._ I'm sorry. I love you too. I'll make it up to you._

It hurt him to see his face fall like that. There was no need for him to be this angry, but he knew this was months of building frustration. He was not the easiest person to be in a relationship with. He knew this wasn't what Renji wanted. He wand love and affection and attention. To at the very least feel wanted. He wanted more.

"Why am I even here," he mumbled, lips trembling.

"You're free to leave at any time." He said this every time Renji voiced his unhappiness. He regretted it as soon as he did this time. It resounded ominously in the silence that followed.

_I'm sorry. I love you too. I'll make it up to you._

Renji stared at him long and hard, a tear making a trail to his chin, the air tense.

He turned to leave, angrily kicking a chair halfway across the room.

Byakuya wanted to say it. Everything would be easier if he just did. But he couldn't. In the distance he heard the motorcycle start up and leave.

The rain fell hard that evening. He remembered hoping Renji got back safe. Because no matter how fiercely they argued, no matter how angry Renji was, no matter how many times he stormed out and left for hours, he would always come back, throw his clothes on the ground and cuddle with him, kissing his cheek before falling asleep. And then he would stop pretending and fall asleep soon after, their fingers clasped together.

He did not sleep that night.

Because he always came back, until the night he couldn't.


End file.
